I don’t know if it is because professional rugby players get most of their decisions made for them (when to train, when and what to eat etc) and we need an outlet, or if it is because we are all infants at heart, but there is always an undercurrent of “pranksterism” when we get together.

Acting like children (especially when we travel) seems to be the norm rather than the exception. Today I will give you an insight into the best pranks of the year at Section Paloise.

The biggest prankster at Pau is a 6ft 7,ins 120 kilo, former policeman, second rower. He set the tone of the season early when he decided anyone’s phone left in the locker room was fair game. Coaches, the club president and other players would receive text messages from a player usually criticizing something they’d done or said the previous week. The oblivious player would then receive a (usually terse) phone call from the recipient asking them to explain themselves.

I found myself a victim when I received a call from the coach seeking an explanation. Apparently I had thanked him for the opportunity on the weekend and for keeping faith in me. I had also apparently signed off with “bisous” i.e. kisses.

Cars/bikes/scooters are also easily messed with. Players have found after training that their scooters have been hoisted to the top of the stands or their bikes hanging above the tunnel onto the field. Cars can also mysteriously appear on the halfway line (this is worse than it sounds as the gates are always locked and we need permission from the Mayor’s office if we want to use the No.1 pitch – even our kickers are only given half an hour a week!)

In revenge for an attack, one of our Kiwi front rowers decided to take a different approach. Opening his victim’s car he poured some flour carefully into the air vents. After wiping away the excess so that it couldn’t be seen, he directed the vents towards the drivers face. Before locking up and walking away, he also turned the fan to full blast so that when the driver started the car… well, I don’t have to spell it out. Very amusing for everyone except the victim.

Sometimes the simple pranks are the best and meal time in the hotel the night before the game is the ideal time for a cheap laugh. A common prank is to loosen the top on the salt and pepper so that when it is used the entire contents of the shaker end up on the victim’s meal. In the summer months placing a stick of butter or a banana between the guy’s foot and his flip flops while he is seated can cause general hilarity when he stands up.

Chili sauce or mustard also often ends up on the back of dessert spoons. Using a teammate's bathroom is also a common occurrence (although flushing isn’t!). You may not think this is too bad but when you eat as much protein and carbohydrates as we do, the result is often not pretty.

Traveling can also be hazardous. Don’t even think about trying to sleep or you will end up with pieces of paper or anything else handy in your open mouth. If you sleep with your mouth closed you may find your shoes tied together when you wake up or that your bag has been handed in and you are awoken by an airport announcement asking you to see security.

Yes, I agree – many of these pranks are infantile but when you spend as much time together as we do, conversation can wear thin. We don’t do anything too outrageous and very few (if any) pranks are actually malicious. Just remember, next time you spend time with rugby players keep an eye on your phone, your keys in your pocket and make sure that even the things that are tied down aren’t tied together. Bisous...

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