Six Nations: Five-star England send feeble France packing in Twickenham humiliation

15 March 2009

England 34 (29) France 10 (0)

Fumbling France were humiliated at Twickenham as resurgent England donned their Sunday finest and ran in five tries – four in the first half – to record a crushing 34-10 win.

The French simply capitulated after Mark Cueto’s opening try put the hosts in the lead after just 69 seconds. The ease with which Riki Flutey rounded Sebastien Chabal to make the overlap was an ominous warning of what was to follow and Les Bleus – so impressive in their deserved victory against Wales – were left red-faced time and time again.

Their handling was poor, their tackling almost non-existent and their self-belief – so evident against Wales – dissipated in the flash it took for Cueto to get the scoreboard rolling.

Quite how (or why) they can turn from world-beaters to incompetents remains the frustrating mystery of French rugby. Marc Lièvremont must have been shell-shocked by the utter collapse of his team’s first-half effort, although much credit must also be given to England’s dominant performance.

Peace at last then for Martin Johnson & Co after a ruthless opening period that tore shreds off their much-vaunted opponents. And no yellow cards to boot, although a more stringent referee may have had the yellows flowing as the second-half became mired in petty intransigence.

But the match was already up by then and France’s two tries had a decidedly hollow ring to them as England simply eased off the accelerator having added try number five of their own immediately after the re-start.

Their 29-0 half-time advantage was of such unimaginable magnitude it seemed the majority of those inside the Twickenham Stadium had been stunned into silence. One might have expected an incessant roar as months (even years) of frustration came flowing out – but no, the Twickers faithful seemed as gobsmacked as the French players.

If Cueto’s opening try freed the shackles then England spent the rest of the first half happily waltzing around in their new-found freedom – stringing passes and miss-moves together as if to the manor born. This was positively exhilarating – unless you were French. In which case it was the stuff of recurring nightmares, an afternoon that will linger long in the memories of those that were there, or who watched on television.

How a team so blessed can become so callowed by a mere 26 mile crossing of Le Channel continues to confound, but the facts speak the truth. France were simply awful for the opening 40 minutes and made England look like the world-beaters they once were – not the team which is currently ranked eighth in the world. Johnson even smiled – it was that comfortable an afternoon!

Flutey coasted over for England’s second try after a training ground back move on 22 minutes and Delon Armitage – who wrought mighty revenge all afternoon on the country of his childhood – grabbed England’s third three minutes before the interval.

That still left enough time for Joe Worsley to dive in for try number four before the break, and such was the Red Rose dominance there must have a collective sigh of annoyance when ref Stuart Dickinson blew his whistle for half-time.

The only downside to England’s pulsating first half was a shoulder injury to fly-half Toby Flood, but one expected blood and mayhem in the French changing room to at least produce a renewed effort after the break.

The team’s body language, however, spoke volumes as they sloped back out, almost embarrassed by what had gone before, and the result was as inevitable – a fifth England try in the second minute after the restart as Brive-bound Flutey doubled his own tally.

After that it didn’t really matter what happened. France scored two tries if you’re interested – through Dimitri Szarzewski and Julien Malzieu - and the crowd still refused to roar.

England tried to finish on a high as they sought a final score in the dying minutes but Johnson’s merry men were already victory-drunk by then, with the promise of plenty more to flow after the final whistle.

As for France, what can you say? Incoherent, shambolic, unbelieving and embarrassing… they’ll probably be absolutely unstoppable next time out.

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